8 Ways to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen (the first time.)

Probably one of the biggest questions that I get asked as a therapist is “How do I get my kids to listen to me?”. Honestly, there is no magic formula. I think everyone has moments when they are frustrated or are having issues with their kids listening. Because kids feel the safest at home, it is the place they are most likely going to test limits and assert themselves. Many times a child will do this by acting as though they are deaf to parental requests. However, you can regain your authority without losing your voice.

Get down on their level – Nothing is more intimidating than a big person towering over you and telling you what to do. Get down to their eye level when you are talking to them.
Keep it brief – Use the one sentence rule – too much talking and your child is more likely to become parent-deaf.
Keep it simple – Use short one syllable word sentences. Listen and take note to how your child talks – use similarly structured sentences.
Keep calm and be positive – Tell them what you want them to do rather than what not to do. “Please walk when you’re inside”. Sometimes the word no is an instant trigger. If you’re calm – more than likely they’ll be calm too.
Explain why you are asking – Most kids are going to ask this question anyway, so beat them to the punch. Plus, it gives them a reason to go with your request. “Please put your coat on because we are leaving to go pick up your sister”.
Keep it developmentally appropriate – asking a 3 year old “why did you do that?” is not going to get you anywhere. Say something like, “Let’s talk about what happened”.
Have them repeat your request – With this you will see if you had your child’s attention and if they understood. If not, then your request was probably too long and complicated.
Listen – You can’t expect kids to listen to you if you’re not willing to listen to them.