Holidays are stressful to begin with. Adding in your rude Uncle George that you see once a year sitting on your couch – can make that stress quadruple. You have to figure out a way to interact with everyone and make it through the holidays without reopening old wounds. Here are a few tips to help solve interactions with those family members to keep things merry and, well – civil.
- Set boundaries – Setting boundaries during the holidays is a sure fire way to make the holidays with family more bearable. It’s okay to tell your famil that you cannot attend all of their events they have planned. For example – you can tell your family that you will see them Christmas Eve, but like to reserve Christmas Day for your spouse and children. Setting these boundaries will prevent any resentment from building up since you will be spending the holidays how you would like – not according to someone else’s itinerary.
- Limit Your Alcohol Intake – Maybe having a glass of wine in your hand is the only way you think you will be abe to pull through the season, but overdoing it will lower your inhibitions and prevent you from being in complete control. Sometimes when drinking too much, people can become argumentative or aggressive. And sometimes alcohol can limit our filter on topics that probably should be avoided during your family get together.
- Have Coping Strategies At the Ready – Providing that everything does not go smoothly – it comes in handy to have a few things that you can do to deal with the situation without having a major meltdown. Going for air, taking a drive to get “more ice”, going into the bathroom and practicing positive affirmations (“I am a good person”, “I can do this”), deep breathing, having a set time that you will leave the party, calling a friend – these are all good ways to try to calm down and can be done in someone else’s home as well.
- Don’t Take It Personally – It is not about you. This may be difficult to understand when you get into an argument for the 900th time about your “bad choices” or what they “wish” you did – but they are not talking to you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they have and so readily give out are a projection of their own reality – their own dream. Once you become immune to the opinion and thoughts of others – you give up that control they have over you and are no loonger their victim.
- Wait Before Speaking – If you wait just two seconds before speaking you can avoid a huge argument. Carefully choosing your words can help stop arguments before they even start. Instead of rapidly firing insults and sounding like a hormonal teenager , you can gracefully bow out of a conversation.
- Go In With An Open Mind – Not every holiday get together has to be a disaster and maybe this year won’t be. Sometimes if we go into the situation with our defenses up and we seem on edge, it can lead to those situations (self-fulfilling prophecy). Going in with an open and positive mind can make all the difference in your attitude and how other’s treat you.
- Give Yourself Down Time Afterward – Stressful situations can take a huge toll on your health. Plan for some down time and self-care to help alleviate your stress and help you end the holidays on a positive note.
All of these ideas are aimed at controlling your behavior and reactions – not others. That’s because we cannot control the actions of others – ever. We are only in control of ourselves and being aware of our behavior and attitude and adapting our behavior to the situation will definitely help get you through the holidays.
Hope these tips were helpful!
Xo,
Morgan
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